i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
