If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
