see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
