she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
