I accidentally burped into my bong.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
