I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
they're like a gay fantastic four
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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