My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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