You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
