The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
