im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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