I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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