You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
