she was so not down for the gang bang
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
