Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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