Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
