Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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