Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
