Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
