I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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