i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I need moral support for this bender
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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