Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
