i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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