u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
