he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
