i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
