i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So squirting runs in the family.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
