can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Drake has all the answers
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
