what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
