I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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