I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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