i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
