I think I died a long time ago.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
