My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
