her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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