please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
