I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
