You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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