i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
