Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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