failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
