This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
