My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
