..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
