wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
