im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
