fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
