I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The struggles of a small town man whore
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
