i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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