I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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