I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i think i just lost a toe
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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