Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
