Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
