she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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