i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize