I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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