i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
