Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
