Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize