you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
