i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize