it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
