Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
