Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
