When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
