She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
